Monday, April 12, 2010

Welcome to My World

Transcript of a voice message left on my phone earlier:

Hi. Ummm…. I am not sure if this is the right person to talk to but I was
transferred over to you by a guy I talked to at environmental health? Yes, well,
my name Jeanie and I am calling to report that we found some Hornets from Hell
in our backyard and I think you should alert the emergency rooms in the area
they should watch for people with stings. If you just Google that, Hornets from
Hell, you can see what I mean. They are these new, killer hornets that are
normally found in Japan? But we have them here. My husband said you can come
over and try to catch one and that will prove they are in America. Please call
me back, I’m at….

I never know exactly what to do with these calls. I feel bad for the woman, I could tell by her voice she was upset, but what am I supposed to do about this? And gee, thanks environmental health, for transferring her to me.

I googled it and found this.

I did not alert the emergency rooms.

I also did not go to her house to catch one of her hellacious hornets.

Friday, April 9, 2010


Having an MRI is an unpleasant experience. This is what people told me before I had mine:
1. The machine makes noise.
2. You have to lie real still.
3. It's a pleasant time out of your day. I fell asleep.

Here's the reality:
1. The machine makes a deafining symphony of grating mechanical shrieks that despite the earplugs will still bother your ears the next day.
2. You have to lie perfectly still for like 45 mintues or you have to start the whole thing over again. Because of this your nose will itch like a swarm of pregnant mosquitoes had a recent blood feast and you will shiver uncontrolably due to the crazy fan they have going on you (that's right, no one mentioned the fan).
3. Number three is an out and out lie unless there were heavy sedatives involved. I'm just sayin.

After all that, I got a disk of cool pictures. Like this one.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Pain, Pain, Go Away....

Yes, I realize it has been a crazy long time since I've posted anything. Sorry about that. I have been battling the sage of Unexplained Facial Pain (is it or is it not Bell's Palsy, MS, or a brain tumor? Stay tuned for MRI results!). I have contemplated blogging about it, but I get so tired of even thinking about it that it has been tough to write about. Maybe I will one day.

Until then, enjoy this fabulous rendition of a pain chart. I have been going to the chiropractor too many times to count and each time I go I have to circle my pain on a scale like this (well, not like this, just 1 to 10 without the awesome drawings). Mine has ranged from This Is Distressing to I Am Actively Being Mauled By A Bear. Hilarious.